By Deepika Sharma
Movement. Nourishment. Mental Health. Human Connection. In recent years, I’ve learned to see these as intertwined essentials in life — one can’t exist well without the others. Health and wellness have been a huge part of my life for over 10 years. I can wholeheartedly say that I feel better now than I felt in my 20s, credited to my love of health and wellness.
I believe age is just a number. Truthfully, I feel like I haven’t had enough time to call myself a certain age. But I don’t shy away from it: I’m proud to be in my 30’s.
It hasn’t been an easy path to get to where I am, but there have been soul-touching moments and realizations along the way. Here, I share my story of Self Love, told through key lessons that I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.
Lesson 1: Fall in love with your kind of movement
Growing up in the 90s, health and diet culture went hand in hand. It was saturated with extremes: burning X amount of calories each day or using self-hatred to change yourself. I struggled with yo-yo-dieting my whole life. None of that moved the needle for me.
I fell in love with pilates two years ago (not to sound trendy!). It’s helped me enjoy fitness and connect with my body for the first time. The pursuit of a physical transformation isn’t what made me fall in love with Pilates. It’s about connecting with myself: meditation in movement. When you're lying on the mat, focusing on your breath, it is way harder than it seems to actually slow down. But it reminds me: You’re here, you’re alive, you’re present.
The instructor will say things like, “Rotate your spine without leading with your neck or shoulders.” So, you have to isolate and focus on specific parts of your body. When you struggle with a particular movement, your stronger muscles kick in and help out. I'm now convinced your body is listening to you all the time. Your body works as a system together through the good days and the bad days, through the perfect and imperfect movements. It loves you so unconditionally. How could I not want to love this body that shows up for me every single day?
On the days when self doubt creeps in, on the days when change feels impossible, hate is not what's going to get me moving. Hate may be temporary motivation (I learned that the hard way!), but it’s the love that I have for myself that fuels the desire for something more. Words of affirmation, reminders of how far you’ve come, talking to yourself with the same love you’d give to a friend or a loved one — these things will carry you through life's inevitable ebbs and flows.
Lesson 2: Embrace your roots & nourish yourself
Throughout my 20s, I had chronic health issues, whether it was my stomach or my skin. I wondered, "Am I just someone who is prone to being sick all the time?" I studied Health Sciences in university, and something stuck with me from that time: Health is not merely about the absence of disease. My studies helped me gain a deeper appreciation for the interconnected nature of health and wellness.
I researched more about natural health by finding health and wellness creators on YouTube. The holistic health world blew my mind. Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s, it felt like we were brainwashed to believe that taking a pill will solve our ailments. I realized that I can't control a lot of things, but I can control what I put inside me. That’s where I can start. Going back to what our parents taught us: plants and spices are natural remedies. It’s the whole basis of Ayurveda or Vedic medicine. An important reminder emerged: These are the things you've moved away from, but don't discount them.
My whole concept of health changed when I started looking at food as medicine. I incorporated more plants in my diet, not because someone told me to, but because I was feeling the benefits. Take haldi milk or golden milk, for instance. You combine milk with superfoods by adding turmeric, ghee, a pinch of saffron, black pepper, ginger, or fennel. While these superfoods make the milk more digestible, they also add specific health benefits, like boosting your immune system.
I’ve been cooking more in the last few years. I wouldn’t consider myself a good cook. But it’s about making something with my own hand and putting energy into it. The ritual of it has been such a game changer for me. It's literally a labor of love.
Lesson 3: Pour into your mindset & mental health
Back then, I was so used to living in extremes. One day, I’d be on top of everything, and the next day, the total opposite. When a Libra is out of balance, it’s bad news. Fear of the unknown, fear of the future — fear shows up in our body in a lot of different ways, and sometimes, it’s through inaction. When I want to do everything and I get overwhelmed, my coping methods are inaction and isolation. It took me a long time to get into journaling and name those fears in writing for myself.
In this period of my life, that “all or nothing” mentality isn’t present. I'm moving towards, as cliche as it sounds, that healthy balance. It's a blessing that I get to wake up and choose what I'm going to do with myself. That I get to start every day with gratitude. That I get to choose how to nourish and keep my body in motion.
Here’s a gem I realized in my 30’s: whatever you choose to water, that will grow. Are you watering the anxiety? Are you watering the self doubt? These kinds of emotions begin to snowball. The world we live in profits off of making us feel like trash about ourselves. That we need to be better and better and better. When I started intentionally watering the gratitude and balance in my life, when I started being gentle with myself, it touched every part of my life. My relationships, my work, my passions — everything.
As women, we think about everybody else first, and I'm still guilty of doing that. It's okay to pour into you. It's okay to put yourself first. It’s a process, but I try to fill my cup, and do more of what brings me joy. This can be as simple as my morning coffee, putting myself together for the day, doing my skin care routine before bed. My self care routine is an extension and reflection of self love.
Lesson 4: Don’t let societal expectations define you
When I turned 30, it felt like my life was over. I didn't hit societal milestones that I thought measured success: buying a house, marriage, children, etc. There were deadlines and goals I hadn’t met. Whether it was receiving validation or the desire to be the MVP at my company — what was I chasing? There's nothing wrong with having goals for yourself; but when we focus solely on milestones, we succumb to societal pressure, timelines, and comparisons. What is meant for you will be for you, and your path, just like you, is uniquely yours.
Something my dad has instilled in me since childhood has become a source of grounding. Some context: from a young age, I took longer to learn things or wasn’t really the best at anything, compared to my siblings or peers. I struggled with school; I was never the most sporty or athletic. My dad saw this, and it didn’t phase him, as a parent. He’d say: “What makes you beautiful is not your similarity or your homogeneity. It’s your struggle and your difference that makes you beautiful. You are perfect just the way you are. You will keep showing up and putting in the effort — and you’ll never take it for granted.”
Even at my worst times, even through my worst failures, he’d say, “If you don’t make a mistake, are you going to learn? Correct that mistake, revise that mistake.” From him, I learned that self love and acceptance is also about embracing who you are and being okay with not being the best at everything. My dad is my first love, truly. He just loves me through all of it. His belief in me is so strong and unwavering.
At a certain age, we come to understand that nobody has everything figured out. Societal judgment and expectations is not what’s really going to make you happy. You can have all that and still be unhappy. That’s just human nature. Everyone feels like an imposter — we’re all just floating in this universe together. When you stop looking externally and look from within, you realize that everything you thought was outside was actually inside of you this whole time.
I’m a self-described empath. I’ve always been sensitive; I am never afraid to cry or be vulnerable. I feel things deeply, and while this can be seen as a flaw, it’s also my biggest superpower. I’ve learned to embrace as I have gotten older.
Lesson 5: Self Love helps you be present & connected
I'm single, and I don't have kids. I thought all of that would have been the final destination. And yet, these two years that I've spent pouring into myself have been priceless. I can't imagine if I would have been able to do that to the extent I have, had my path been different. I am someone who gives everything, even if I don't have anything to give. But if I had split my time and energy in the last two years actively trying to look outwards for happiness and fulfillment, it would have kept me away from the internal peace and revelations.
I know who I am. I know what value I bring to the table. I have spent so much time with myself, with my thoughts, with my own energies. These past couple years required me to love myself like I never had before. I had to be my own cheerleader — and I was in so much need of that. When I started practicing self love, I noticed my relationships improving as a result. And if you know me, my friends and family and my connections are so important to me. My relationships are everything.
At the core of it, every single human craves meaningful human interaction. Maybe you realize it in your 20s or 30s, or maybe you realize it when you're older. Love is everything, and it comes in many forms. There isn’t just one kind of love: I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, I am me. Something I learned is that: The bravest thing you can do is love without condition and without expectation. Love and share love. We are made from love. Everything is love. Once you start seeing this thread, you can’t unsee it. You start radiating love, and that comes back to you tenfold. If I were to have lost the quality to love fearlessly after everything I’ve gone through, that would have been the real loss.
What have you done that’s made you who you are today? Let’s take that in for a second, without worrying about the next big milestone or chapter. For the first time, I don’t have a plan. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but what I do know is that the relationship you have with yourself is the longest and most intimate relationship you will ever have with anyone. It is the foundation of every relationship you will ever have. The biggest thing right now is affirming myself: I am Deepika Sharma, and I love Deepika Sharma. I love the person I am becoming and molding, because she’s going to be with me my whole life.
